2012 in review

I wasn’t planning on writing anything about the end of this year.  I had thought and batted around some ideas, but then just dismissed them.  Then I got this email from WordPress, which gave me my blog’s year-end review.  It’s the first of its kind for me since 2012 was the birth of my little friend here, Sticky Fingers (still not sure that I love the name).

Here it is:

Here’s an excerpt:

600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 4,100 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 7 years to get that many views.

Click here to see the complete report.

I thought, Wow.  That’s pretty cool.  Over 4,000 views to my site this year.  I mean, it’s really not that much, but it’s still 4,000 times that someone actually wanted to read what I had to say.  Huh.  Who knew?

I’ll be coming back to this idea later, so keep it in the back of your mind as I ramble on for a bit…

A friend had posted on Facebook today that his plan for the last night of 2012 included a movie and a bottle of wine.  As I read his post, I thought about my upcoming night.  Pretty much the same, except before I commence any major drinking, what would we do with Ella to celebrate?  Bang around pots and pans?  Get some sparkling apple juice?  Or just do nothing and put her to bed at 8 and then have some “grown-up time?”  I still haven’t really decided, but that’s no matter right now.

Years ago, the idea of staying home on this night would have shattered my delicate little ego.  You see, I always liked to be surrounded by friends and maybe a lover or two (ha!) on New Year’s Eve.  We’d go to bars or clubs, look fancy, pay cover charges, drink all night long, maybe hear a live band.  We HAD to stay up until midnight to do the champagne toast and hear Auld Lang Syne.  I love that Auld Lang Syne song.  I really do.  It chokes me up every damn time.  But, oddly, this year, I am perfectly content staying home and wearing the same outfit as I did yesterday.  No make-up marathon; no 30 minute hair-styling.  Just me, au natural… and surrounded by my little family.

I also thought about resolutions.  This time of year I really dread going to our gym because it is always packed with folks working on their resolutions to become fit.  So annoying!  Every year in the past (except the last 2), I have made resolutions too.  I thought of the new year as a reset. I always felt the need to reset.  I’m not sure if I was unhappy or what the deal was.  At the time I didn’t feel unhappy or discontented.  And I’m not saying that you have to be or are those things if you choose to reset and/or create resolutions for yourself.  I just have a different personal view of the whole situation.

You see, I have always been a runner.  I have been perpetually running toward this conceived finish line.  And it’s really laughable, because I am a terrible runner and not built for such things!  I have fallen arches and a pelvic shift on my left side.  These days, I am just strolling.  It turns out, I missed a lot along the way.  And you burn the same amount of calories walking as you do from running, so why rush?

I always had these things that needed to be accomplished and so I set myself up with these long lists of goals and called them resolutions.  Truthfully, I don’t really remember many of them because they never happened.  I do remember the one year, however,  that I made touching my toes my resolution.  I sat in a cubicle back then and was a mess.  My ex-husband told me it would never happen because I am just wound too tightly.  Ass hole.  Little does he know that I stretched my hamstrings out and have been happily touching my toes for about 4 years now. Bam!

Anyway, I was in the shower this afternoon and was thinking about all of this.  I was also thinking about the good and bad stuff from the year.  I’ll share a small snippet with you:

Bad: •got hit by a car in June•2 pregnancy losses•lost an old friend due to his lies•witnessed some friends/family struggle•CT shooting•my job is annoying•started to pay back student loans from grad school•dog pee in living room

Good: •Ella started talking•selling jewelry on eBay• started a blog•traveled•got a new tattoo•got a DSLR•got my LDE certification•beat my cousin in Words with Friends AND Scramble with Friends (damn him)•overcoming fear of power tools•Obama was re-elected•learned to knit•new baseboard and doors in entire house•friends/family job promotions•lots of new babies in the family•no new wrinkles that I notice

I could keep adding to both lists, but I don’t really want to think about it anymore.  The point is that the good stuff far outweighs the bad stuff.  Isn’t that how it always goes?

I brought myself back to the idea of resolutions again.  What do you want to accomplish this year, Marisa?  Well, girl, there isn’t anything in particular that I want *this year*.  I won’t make a resolution for them.  They’re more in-general kind of dreams and aspirations.  There you go.. running again.  No, I’m not running.  I don’t want to get to that finish line for a while.  I want to have another baby, but being down to 1 fallopian tube is pretty much free birth control. Plus, I’d need to get a new job to afford another one.  I’d also like to get in better shape, but I’ve already started that and a resolution for that is dumb.  It’s a life-long thing.  But there is some stuff I’d like to do for real.  And not just in 2013, but for always.  What, pray tell, are these things you dream of?  Writing.  I want to write.  And I want to get paid to do it.

I flashed back to a few days ago.  I had a conversation with my mother-in-law about the very subject.  We were talking about her other son and his wife and their entrepreneurial knack and know-how.  I don’t have it.  She contradicted me and told me that I do.  We talked about my crafts and creations and Etsy and my blog.  I told her that I don’t want to make stuff and sell it online.  That’s not really my dream.  She told me that I can write.  Yeah, but who wants to pay me for what I have to say?  Then I had flashes of my aunts and grandmother and sister and husband and co-worker and other friends who have told me they enjoy reading my writing.  That’s the whole point, right?  Write something people want to read.  That’s writing 101!  I also teach it.  I must know something, right?!

So, I’m going to start slowly.  There are 2 sites that I have come across that pay writers for works and then publish them online.  The first step is writing some sample pieces and getting approved as a freelancer for them.  {I need to work on this asap}  Then, I can submit articles and get paid per article.  I also thought about getting in touch with the person who edits our little town’s paper.  Maybe I could write something for them.  Who knows.  That might just give me the confidence I need in order to get to work on this children’s book I have been dreaming about for years.  Wouldn’t that be something if it actually happened?  Edward Cullen started out as a man in Stephenie Meyer’s dream and look at the empire she created.  Why couldn’t I do something amazing like that too?

I’m thankful for this little blog and all of you out there that think enough to read it.  I never thought my life was that interesting or that my words were anything special, but you all tell me otherwise.  For that, thank you. So, in addition to working out more, getting better with my camera, eating less white flour, having more patience, not being so judgmental, gaining more self-confidence, saving more money, finding a new job, being a better lover (just kidding there–no improvement necessary), spending more time outside, appreciating Colorado’s winter, being a more creative mother, and seeing the glass as half full…  I will write.

Happy New Year.  May your blessings be plentiful.

xxoox ~Marisa

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